Inviting Guests in Japan & the World

This week’s topic made me realize that inviting guests is not only about hospitality, but also about privacy, relationships, and social expectations. During discussions with my Japanese classmates, I found something interesting: as young people, many of us actually agreed that we do not really want people coming into our homes because of privacy concerns.

However, I think the situation in China is more complicated. If young Chinese people have their own place, enough time, and are willing to cook, inviting friends home is still a considerable option. People may cook together, drink together, and stay overnight. In Japan, however, people seem to value privacy more strongly. Smaller living spaces and concern about disturbing neighbors may also make home gatherings less common. 

I also feel that for Japanese people, eating outside can be more attractive because restaurants often provide special experiences that are difficult to recreate at home. By contrast, Chinese people seem to have a stronger attachment to eating at home. For middle-aged and older people, home meals help maintain the family atmosphere. For younger people, eating at home can also feel healthier and more reliable, because restaurants may not always provide the same solid and trustworthy ingredients as home cooking. This may reflect a kind of anxiety and trust crisis created by the rapid development of China’s restaurant industry.

At the same time, many young Chinese people still live with their parents. In this case, inviting friends home almost never happens. From my own experience, even during childhood, friends often had an unspoken understanding not to visit each other’s homes because meeting parents created extra social pressure. Unless the parents themselves were friends, home visits felt uncomfortable.

Another interesting point is neighbors and colleagues. In the questionnaire, there was a question about inviting neighbors or coworkers home. For me, this felt almost impossible in modern Chinese cities because neighborhood relationships are usually weak, similar to apartment life in Japan today. Japan used to have a culture in which new residents introduced themselves to neighbors, but even Japanese classmates felt this is becoming less common among younger generations. China has not really had this tradition in modern urban life.

China also has some unique differences I wanna share. 

1) At first, historically, during the planned-economy period, roughly from the 1950s to the 1990s, people lived in housing provided by state-owned workplaces, so neighbors were often coworkers and relationships could be closer. More importantly, this workplace-based social culture did not disappear completely. Its influence has continued into today and has become one of the most powerful parts of Chinese workplace culture. In some government offices and state-owned enterprises, people may still need to visit their leaders‘ homes or maintain private relationships outside the workplace in order to build trust and protect their position. Of course, many young people today dislike this kind of culture, because it feels too hierarchical, utilitarian, and exhausting.

2) Secondly here comes a regional difference. In some parts of eastern coastal China (you can find it on the map, from Hebei and Shandong Province - south of the nation’s capital Beijing, to Zhejiang Province - just next to Shanghai), home visits and family networks can play a stronger role in maintaining social relationships. Children from different families may know each other, and these social connections can continue across generations, forming a large social network. 

In these families, parents may invite each other home, but the conversation is often about business, favors, and mutual help, rather than simple friendship. I know similar social occasions may exist in other regions as well, and I can understand why they happen. However, some friends from that region told me that these gatherings happened in their homes several times almost every week. To me, this means that family and friendship are almost turned into part of personal interest networks, and people seem to live inside this social culture. 

This may also be related to the stronger historical influence of Confucian Culture in this region. As someone from Southwestern China, far from the traditional center of Confucian Culture, I honestly always feel disgusted by this kind of relationship-based social culture. It feels too utilitarian and too strongly connected with personal interests, and this is not how us people in Southwest we usually build friendships or invite guests.

Overall, I learned that inviting guests is not only a simple social activity. It can reflect privacy, social networks, history, and even regional culture.